Pressure Point

[Derek Jackson]

Jackson had just recieved a text that Julianna wanted to swing by and of course that was more than alright with him. Things had been a bit chaotic with recent events, what with him getting framed, her ex coming back to town and everything going on with her kid and the involvement with that. He hadn't really gotten to spend much time with her; well, time doing what they normally did. But he expected to make up for that lost time when she came over now. It was the middle of the day too, so they would have lots of time. He hated admitting that he missed her... that he needed her beyond the physical reasons. He had never exactly vocalized that to her, but didn't mean he wasn't feeling it. He wondered how much she could tell about him considering she was good at her job... but would never ask.

Hearing a knock at the door, he went to open it. Seeing her on the other side, he pulled her in, closed the door, ahd pushed her back against it. His body pressed against hers with her back on the door. He leaned forward to kiss her, letting the kiss be reflective of his need. His hands slipped under her shirt, feeling her soft skin as they trailed up to her chest, not having the patience to first actually remove her shirt. "It's been too damn long," he said in a low voice, speaking against her lips but knowing it was clear enough to understand. He didn't want to waste another second, so kissed her again, as he pulled one hand from under her shirt to the fastening of his pants. This was after all, why she was here.

[Tag: Julianna]

[Dr. J. Grayson]

He opened the door, and she looked up at him while trying to smile; but he pulled her into his apartment and pushed her against the shut door "Wai-" And he kissed her before she could more. His actions, his touch, everything made her feel so wonderful, which made coming here to end things so much harder.

When his hand moved to his pants, she side stepped him and walked a few feet over to the side. "Wait! I didn't come here for that." Turning to face him slowly, she knew this would not be easy. While he had once left her after sleeping with her, she would never be that cold to him. "I came because I need to talk to you about something really important." So she needed him to hear her out, and not make this about getting into her pants.

[Derek Jackson]

/

When she stepped away, he felt the immediate deprivation of her, which only made his need for her cause him to ache. He took a moment before turning to look at her, hearing her say that she hadn't come here for that. "You're kidding right?" He asked rhetorically. But even he could tell that she was serious right now... and he wondered what was so serious that it couldn't wait until afterwards.

He would bite and hear what she had to say. The sooner they got whatever this was over with, the sooner they could get to the business... or well, get to what they always did when she came over. "What is it?" He asked, slightly impatiently. Didn't she know how much he wanted her? With everything that happened... he felt like he wanted her more than ever. Not that he ever didn't. But actually vocalizing that was an entirely different matter, and not something that he usually did... if ever.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

What is it. He didn't ask if she was alright, or show any concern for what she might have to say. Just get it over with. Looking tot he side to seal her courage, her gaze caught the table and for a moment she could only look at it, before she closed her eyes and turned to look back at him. "I don't want to change you. I've never tired to change you. I've always taken you for who you were. Eyes widen opened, I knew who you were and I accepted it."

"More then accepted it, really, I . . . I think I fell in love you." He would hate this. She knew it, but she had something to say and he had to hear her out, because this was the end. She couldn't do this any more. "These few months with you have been . . . . It's woken me up. It's changed me. . . . and now I find that I want things. Emotional level things."

"When I was almost shot a few months ago, I realized then that I would be going home alone. That while I was still feeling terrified, I had to go home and be strong. Later when Alex came, I was trying to deal with so much and I keep having to remind myself not to show weakness. Not to cry before anyone--especially you." Which was ironic because at this point, she was crying before him. "You hate displays of emotion, you hate weakness . . . and I've had to be strong since I was eight."

She was opening up so much to him, and she knew he'd hate this, and knew he's through everything in her face but this had to be said. "And I can't be unbreakable any longer. I need to be able to be weak sometimes without being afraid of what the man in my life might do. I need, more then anything, for someone to be there for me when I can't be unshakable." To hold her, and not mock her. Not get anger and check out. She wanted to be loved! Needed it! She deserved to be loved. Didn't she? That wasn't asking for a lot.

"I need someone who can accept me for who I am. All of me! Not just the parts they like. I'm a mother, Jackson. I love my daughter! More then I love myself! It's not fair to her, or me to have these two lives that aren't allowed to touch. You told me once, that you weren't trying to be anyone's father. But I don't have that choice. If I did I wouldn't change my life."

Which all that boiled down to one point. "I need for us to step back, and just be partners, instead of partners with benefits."

[Derek Jackson]

She started talking and Jackson immediately realized the mood of this conversation... but not where it was going. She had said that she never tried to change him, which was true. He supposed she had accepted him, and he had figured that the reason she stayed with him was cause she knew more about him than he let on. It was when she said her next words that he froze. She loved him. And... he didn't know how to deal with that. It would be so much easier if he could just blatantly tell her that he didn't love her. That she was stupid for feeling that way. That it was a good thing he didn't feel the same way. When the truth was, he didn't know how he felt. He had never been in this kind of relationship before. Not just with a woman, but in terms of being a relationship with anyone. He had a relationship with his father, but that was different. You couldn't choose your family. But with Julianna, this had all been a choice. They had developed a relationship rather than being born into a life where one was already there to be devleoped upon. He knew he felt something for her, something strong. Maybe it was love. He didn't know what love felt like. All he knew, was that he cared about her more than he did anyone else... and while he could deny, and had forced himself to, her words were causing his feelings to surface. No matter what he did to push them back down into a deep seated denial.

Thankfully, she didn't leave time for him to reply... because he didn't know what to say to that. And then she talked about emotions. Wanting to have a relationship on an emotional level. He didn't know what to say to that either. She wanted to take this a step further. Beyond just the physical intimacies they expressed. He wasn't sure how to do that. Or how to realize that he wanted the same thing. Did he? He wasn't sure. He had shut off these kind of emotions and it was as if she opened a box to unleash them all. Only they weren't the kind that he could act one, because that usually entailed kissing her and having his way with her. This time, they were deeper; more complex. And that, was where Jackson felt lost. She seemed to acknowledge his hate for that kind of display of emotions, and he did. To a degree. No. She was right. He really did hate them. But he had thought she wasn't that kind of person. Yet, hearing her say that sometimes she just wanted to let it out... and felt she couldn't do that around him.. made sense. Because he had never created that sort of environment between them. Never thinking that he had to. Until he saw the tears in her face now.

She didn't want this anymore. She wanted to be with someone that she could be herself with. Or well, more emotionally open with it seemed. And that wans't him. He wasn't that guy. And a part of him, wanted to ask her what he had to do to become that guy. She said she didn't want to change him, but the thought of changing for her crossed his mind. And hated that it had. Because it meant despite his actions and words... he was emotionally invested in this. He was emotionally invested in them. He couldn't deny it any longer, nor did he know how to act on it. Then she brought in her daughter. A sensitive subject because he never asked about her. It all went back to the pattern of denial, just throwing that in there too. Truth be told, he hadn't considered where this relationship was going. And wondered if a part of him knew that this was inevitable. That didn't make it easier to hear. He didn't know if it was her words, or the fact that he realized she was right. That she wanted all these things from him, and he didn't know how to offer them to her. It was frustrating... frustrating that he cared so much. Frustrating that he didn't know how to deal with that, and had handled it badly. Frustrating that things had gotten so real, and that he couldn't just deny everything any more.

He expected her to tell him what he needed to do to fix this. He wasn't exactly good or practiced in this sort of thing. He didn't develop relationships with other people, hell he didn't even have one with his mother. So he was fully expecting her to tell him what she needed from him. What he could do to fix this, when he had been in denial over the fact that anything needed to be fixed. This for him was progress in his life, and had already been aware of the changes she had caused in him. Naturally. And he had tried to fight in, so very hard. In the beginning, it was why he had been an ass to her, going out of his way to be like that... even if that came naturally too. He had taken advantage of her in a lot of ways, and now, he was realizing the toll it had taken on her. For the first time in his life, his mind was processing the fact that he cared about someone else... more than himself. He couldn't even be angry at the moment when that realization entered his mind. He was trying to understand it, trying to understand a lot of things. Which is why he needed her to tell him what to do. Because he didn't know where to go from here.

But her final words crushed all his assumptions and hope for help. She needed to take a step back. She had done that before, he had even broken up with her before... but this time it was different. He could hear it in her voice. See it in her eyes and tears. She was done with this, done with him. He was doing everything in his power not to ask her what he needed to do... that he couldn't accept this. That this shouldn't be the end. That he couldn't just lunge at her, kiss her, and make this all better... a common coping mechanism that he used. But for the first time in their relationship, and perhaps in Jackson's life... he didn't know what to do or say. He even wished he could say something cruel and nasty if only to reinforce that this was what needed to be done. At least if there was anger, it would make this easier. But he couldn't even do that! What the hell had she done to him. "Julianna..." He began to say, not really sure where he was going with that. Not even aware that he had used her first name, something he'd never done before because... it was too personal. He wanted to ask so much, including her help to make him understand what was going through him right now. But he didn't. He neeed to be the Jackson he always was. The one she was leaving. "Do what you gotta do." Because he had no other words to offer her.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

"Julianna..." Her lips parted when he said her name, and for a moment she felt something in her chest, a small little warmth or burst of something. It was hope. For a moment she felt herself almost take a step forward, and she wanted to believe they could do this. They could be different, and be better people. "Do what you gotta do." Slowly closing her eyes, she felt it crash down. Felt the weight hit her shoulders.

She had not expected him to fight for her, but his use of her name, hearing it for the first time from him had given her the most dangerous thing she could have. Then cost her when he took it away. Forcing her eyes open, Julianna nodded her head. She walked toward the door, and paused when she passed him, parting her lips like she might say something, but in the end she stopped. Once she got to the door, Julianna pulled it opened and turned to look at him for a moment. "Than---I'll see you at work."

Pulling the door shut behind her, she took a moment to lean there on it for suport before she was able to walk down the hall. It had gone much quicker and easier then she had assumed. Julianna wasn't sure if that was a good thing or something that made everything worse. All she knew was that this was either the best thing she could have done for herself and a chance at being happy--or her greatest mistake ever. Rational said the former, but her heart said the later.

[Derek Jackson]

He watched her leave and didn't say or do anything to make her stay. If this is what she felt she needed to do... then even in all his selifshness, he had to let her do it. It seemed that after about a year, things had finally ended. He knew he should be surprised that they had even lasted this long... but in the end he only felt, empty. Was that the right word to use for what he was experiencing right now? Emptiness? If it was, then that was how he felt for the rest of the day, and all night, sleep not coming to him as easily as usual. He hadn't done anything that day other than just stay in his apartment and try to process things. There was a bit of drinking involved... but not enough to make him hung over the next day. He woke up earlier than usual, and spent more time at the gym than normal. He needed to let his agressions out somehow... needed to express whatever all these pent up emotions were. Because they were now deeper than usual.

He quickly showered, got dressed in his normal casual wear, and slowly began to make his way to their office. Or well, her office. He wasn't sure if he could refer to it as theirs now. He didn't know what she was going to be like today. Would she be that cold, distant, detached Julianna? Would she act like everything was normal? Would she have... reoconsidered? He wasn't sure which one was better, but he knew which one he wanted. He had even debated calling her yesterday, or even stopping by her place... but he knew he couldn't do that. Not anymore. The door to her office was open, and Jackson walked up to it. Despite everything, he had to appear normal, like his usual self. Walked to the open door he saw her doing some paperwork so paused where he was, leaning against the thresshold of the door. He was waiting for her to tell him what she needed him to do... as a professional partner, because that was all their relationship was now: professional.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

She cried for half the night, before waking up and having to put on some extra make up to hide it. Arriving tot he office a bit later then normal, she felt tired and more alone then she had before she began this with Jackson. Would he be angry when he came to work? Would he look at her like it wasn't a big deal to him that she had broken her own heart?

Seeing him come up to the door but not enter, Julianna could tell that this would not be easy. She smiled softly, but it didn't feel as easy as one of her natural ones. "Hey," He looked good, but he always looked rugged and nearly perfect without trying. "I've spoken to the captain about working out of his department on a more permanent level." She wanted to stay in one place, and work on building a life with Gabby. Let her daughter make lasting friends, and give her a chance to find someone.

"With all the vigilantist popping up, the FBI approved the request." She wasn't a guest here anymore, this was her office. She was here to stay. "However most my work for the next week or two will be wrapping up old cases for the FBI, and having a few meetings with the local university were I am going to teach some on Mondays; so I told the Chief if you didn't want to hang out doing nothing that I would be safe here. It's up to you what you want to do." Stay and work with her, and help her look into these FBI cases, or take a break and go work the streets for a while. She wouldn't blame him for wanting to go out there and let things settle between them.

[Derek Jackson]

Permanent? Great. She was going to be here for a while then. Part of him wanted to see her, but the other part of him knew that it would be hard seeing her every day. And he hated that it would be so hard. He shouldn't care, but as he had already determined, he did. And he had a feeling if he was going to overcompenstate to properly conceal that. He then grew more annoyed when she gave him the option of not working along side her. He wanted to, but didn't want to at the same time. If she wasn't leaving though... then he would just be sitting here, watching her. Thinking about what they could have, and would have been doing other than working. And it would just make him down right frustrated. He remained silent... knowing it was uncharacteristic which... he shouldn't be trying to do if he was supposed to be remaining his normal self, or even more mean. But he couldn't bring himself to do or say anything that would hurt her. He still didn't understand anything and didn't know if he even wanted to explore his feelings any more. Maybe it was better if he didn't. Maybe that hurt would eventually go away.

"Your call," he stated bluntly, emotionlessly. "Tell the Chief if you need security." If Jackson was needed to escort her anywhere, or if she would prefer someone else. Before it had been all part of his job as to why he would protect her... now, he needed to because he wanted to make sure she stayed safe and was well protected. With those words, he turned and went to speak to the Chief for a few moments who gave him the ok to suit up in his uniform and go back on the streets. Jackson knew he should be thrilled about this, but he only felt angry and irritated. This wasn't how he expected things to be, or even wanted them to be. And he couldn't even decide if it was better to see her all the time, or not at all. So he was going to give the latter a try and work on determining which one hurt less... fearing that it didn't matter and both would hurt equally.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

Julianna watched him walk away, and she stood up quickly, almost going to follow him; but knew she could not. She had to let him go. Jackson was quite, and that was telling enough that he was hurt. She knew he liked her better then the others, but with how he was reacting Julianna wondered if maybe he cared more then she thought. If he did then he hid it well. Better then she could read.

She spend the next few days wrapping up things, and the following few in meetings detailing her course plan. Julianna worked for hours every day, coming in before daylight, but always going home in time to spend the evenings with Gabby. Her nights. They were reversed for Jackson; and the fact that he was no longer there hurt more then she could say.

She had one of his shirts, that she had never given him back. Julianna wore it to bed, and tried to make her mind let him go bu it never did. That weekend came, and she began decorating the apartment for Gabby's birthday. It was themed with Disney princesses, and each little girl who attended would get to have her own dress up dress from a Disney movie. The apartment was filled with things. Sitting on her couch Friday night, she pulled a sleeping Gabby into her arms, and held her for a moment before carrying her off to bed.

Wondering what Jackson was doing, Julianna climbed into her own lonely bed. Reaching for the phone, she looked down at it. She thought about texting him. Or calling him. Pretending to have a question about a case. Instead she put it on the charger, and forced herself to at least try and sleep.

[Derek Jackson]

Time was going by so slowly and quickly at the same time. He used to live for the job, and that was it. But he was realizing that that was no longer the case, because if it was, then he would be content with his life right now... and he wasn't. Jackson found himself no longer having that something to look forward to anymore. It wasn't even just the sex that he was missing, which he wished it was just that because it meant that it would be easier to get over her. But it wasn't. It was the other things that had defined it as a relationship. It was coming in every morning to see her. Working together. Teasing her about, well, everything. Seeing her attempt to glare at him before he did something to alter that expression.

And then even later when they were off their shifts... it was the anticipation of seeing her. Of engaging in flirtatious conversations, the foreplay, the aftermath of having her lie with him, or on him... it was everything that he missed. And he hated that he did. But at the same, wouldn't change it. Which just annoyed him more that he couldn't be with her. Because while he felt these things, it wasn't easy to tell her. Besides, she seemed to be doing just fine. Focusing on her work, unfazed. It made him wonder if this was just a long time coming and he had been oblivious to all this built up uncertainty in her.

So as the days progressed, the more unhappy he became. He fully immersed himself in work, taking as many extra shifts as he could, be it during the day or night shifts. He just needed to do whatever it took to distract his mind from everything else. He hated being at home because it just reminded him of who wasn't there with him. At least when he was out on the streets, he could find things to keep his mind occupied... sort of. Not really. Because even when he was working, he wasn't fully focused. If he was, then he would have been more aware of what was happening around him. He would have properly scanned the area and anticipated the possibility that there was another armed thug. He wouldn't have focused all his attention on the one guy he was pointing a gun at. And Jackson, wouldn't have got shot because of it.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

Julianna got up the following morning and made breakfast. She spent the day baking a cake, and getting ready for the party. Technology, Gabriella turned 9 on Tuesday, but in order to let things work out better the party was on Saturday. The cake was purple, the presents wrapped perfectly. Everything looked pristine and photo perfect--for all of an hour. Once the children arrived it was chaos. It was loud, crowded, messy and almost fun enough to keep her mind off of Jackson. Almost. This wasn't his world, and she knew this would be hell for him but apart of her wanted him here. Wanted his way of making her not stress over the small thing, wanted his snide jokes, and for him to help her just laugh.

She knew this would be hard. Julianna had know that before going to break up with the man she loved. She wanted him. She wanted to be with him. He wasn't perfect but they somehow fit. Mostly. How did you move past that?

When the party was over, Julianna cleaned up while Gabby played in her room. After supper they wrapped in a blanket and spent a girl's night watching the newest Barbie movie, before doing some pampering to their nails and skin. When Gabby could no longer hold her eyes opened, Julianna tucked her daughter into bed and walked into the living room. Now what? Curl up alone? Watch tv? Work? Without Jackson she wasn't sure how to fill her free time. No one to call, no one to look forward to seeing. There was a long stretch of nothing before her, so with that depressing thought she went to bed alone.

[Derek Jackson]

Jackson had spent the day in the hospital, getting his injury tended to. He had been shot at the side of his abdomen, though luckily it not been life threatening. A few of the guys who had heard had come, but Jackson told the nurse to tell them to get lost. His chief came, bringing him a change of clothes, as he seemed to know what Jackson needed. But even then, Jackson ensured his visit was short. He didn't want anyone here. Well that wasn't true, he did want someone here. And the fact that he did.... was his final realization. He had never feared death, nor though of the consequences of what would happen if he got hurt. He didn't care. But now... he thought of who would be affected. He thought of calling her and telling her. He wanted her here when usually, he hated anyone to see him like this. He always just lived for himself, but now... he wanted to live for someone else. For Julianna. It was the final realization that he reached that made him unable to not do or say something to fix this between them.

The doctor had told him he needed to spend the night for observation, but the second the nurse was gone, Jackson began pulling everything out, and then got dressed so that he could get the hell out of here. It was the middle of the night so the staff was less, which made him able to quickly sneak away before his nurse noticed. He felt fine, he would heal. Now he needed to patch up something else, something far more important. He took a cab straight to her place, knowing he probably should have gone home first but his wound made it too diffuclt to drive; the angle would create too much strain. When he got there, he paid the cab driver and got out, as he stood outside the entrance to her building. Was this a mistake? Maybe he should leave. He stepped away, only to turn back around, pacing, unable to make up his mind. He shouldn't do this. She had broken up with him and that was what she felt was best.

He was about to walk away when he suddenly heard the door open, a couple of people coming out of the building. He didn't even realize that he had grabbed the door before it closed, or that he made his way to her apartment. He hadn't noticed anything until he was standing outside her door. It was now or never. He pulled out his phone and called her. He knew a stranger banging on the door in the middle of the night may be a bit suspicious. But if he called her... as an agent, she would have her phone on her. He only hoped that she would pick up after seeing his name. He felt a wave of relief wash over him when he heard her voice on the other line. "I'm standing outside your door," he stated and then immediately hung up. He didn't want to give her time to ask questions or give any information really. He hoped she was curious enough to open the door. He was determined though, and would stand here for hours if that's what it took. Besides, she had to come out eventually.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

Julianna could not sleep. She felt restless and on edge. What was he doing? Had he found anyone else? Where did he even meet girls at? Jackson wasn't a dating sort but she never thought him to be a man to with hold himself either. She ended up staring at the wall, and thinking of why she thought that. The first time on the table. His voice when he was bossing her around. The archives. Inside the car, making her admit to wanting him.

Her hand moved to her belly under her shirt, and slowly slid down. It was about ten minutes later, when she was breathless that her phone rang. Groaning, she reached for it, and looked at the caller ID. It was as if she summoned him! How had he known? "Jackson?" She answered, not hiding anything in her tone well. "I'm standing outside your door," What?! He hung up, and she got out of bed, cleaned her hands quickly, and pulled on some clean clothes; opting for yoga pants and a slightly over sized sweater, that hung off one shoulder.

Pulling open her door, she took one look at him and could see something was wrong. "Jackson? Are you ok?" She asked softly, trying to pin point exactly what looked off about him. "Is anything wrong?" Because the last time he showed up at her home without warning he had found out about Gabby, and told her someone had threatened her life because of the case they were working.

[Derek Jackson]

He heard the door unlock on the other side and readied himself to see her. After seeing her every day, to not seeing her at all... it made it feel like forever since he'd laid eyes on her. So when she opened the door he just looked at her for a few seconds. Damn, she looked good. But he knew that wasn't why he was here, and also knew that if he tried anything, it would make him lose any chance he had of repairing their... relationship. "No," he answered when she asked if anything was wrong. While there was something wrong, he had a feeling she was asking regarding the more professional aspect, inquiring as to whether there was something wrong with a case. He wanted her to know that was all about them, not about work.

"I need to talk to you," he told her. With that, he hoped he would let her inside, but also had his doubts that she would trust him. Since... well, he wasn't a talker. And when they were alone, he usually made sure one thing led to another. "Just talk," he added, as a further attempt to convince her to grant him this chance. He wasn't going to mess it up, regardless of how tempting she was of how much he wanted her. He didn't want her for just one night; he wanted her for the rest of his life.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

Julianna blinked up at him for a moment in muted surprised when he said he wanted to talk. "Sure, yeah, come in." It still took her a second to move enough to allow him to come in. Shutting the door behind him, Julianna lead the way toward the living room, glancing down the hallway to make sure Gabby's door was shut.

Once in the living room, she took the arm chair, and left the couch for him. "Do you want anything to drink?" She offered but it was more habit then her offering. Crossing her legs, she rested her hands on her knee, and tried not to think about what she was doing earlier tonight just as he called.

Why was he here? She felt like she was waiting for bad news, but he had said everything was alright. Jackson wanting to talk wasn't a good sign though. He wasn't one to talk. And showing up here at . . . what time was it?

[Derek Jackson]

She let him in and he stepped inside when she gave him the space to enter. She went down the hall for a moment, his mind remembering that she had a kid who was probably asleep at this time. She then asked if he wanted anything to drink as she took a seat on the chair. He shook his head, and didn't sit down. He stood, making sure there was some distance between so that he didn't let his urges get the better of him... which was easy to let happen whenever he was near. He knew he was the one who had come here, and the one who had asked to speak to her... so maybe he should have planned it a bit better beyond the 'hello we need to talk' part. Maybe it had just been the adrenaline pumping through him to bring him here. Should he leave? No. That wasn't what he wanted to do. He was here, he needed to talk.

He turned a bit so that he wasn't directly looking at her, but rather, off to the side. Somehow it was harder to admit these things while looking right at her. "I've never done this before." He knew that could mean several things. He had never been in a relationship before, he never cared about anyone this much before, he had never shown up at her door like this before... there was a lot of ambiguity in that statement. But he hoped, she knew which part he was more strongly referring to: the whole, never being in a relationship thing. He slowly forced his gaze to rest on her, refusing to be a coward. "But that doesn't mean I can't." Was he even making sense? "Or that I don't wanna." Did that make sense? He didn't know. Maybe this was all gibberish... maybe this was all just stupid on his part!

[Dr. J. Grayson]

He didn't sit, but instead stood there and didn't look at her. It made her feel uncertain and slightly panicky about what he had come to say. "I've never done this before." This? Show up at her apartment in the middle of the night for words and not the other? She was fairly sure he had. Jackson finally looked at her. "But that doesn't mean I can't." Oh. OH! OH! Julianna felt panic and her belly flipped, and heart started beating! He wasn't talking about now! He was talking about them!

She stood up, no longer being able to just sit there without looking like she was as nervous as she felt. "Or that I don't wanna." He wanted to? She was almost afraid to hope, because this was everything she had wanted, and she had known it would not happen for them--only he he was giving her hope. The loss of that hope would kill her. "I . . . . you . . . . "

Surprise made her almost unable to talk. Taking a deep breath she tried again, "You want to try . . . with me?" She needed him to clear! She needed to understand, before she got her hopes up.

[Derek Jackson]

Thankfully she understood! She had said something that gave him a decent starting point. How did she do that? Talk with such ease, when he found himself just blurting stupid shit out. But she understood what he was trying to say, where he was trying to go with this conversation. Even though she sounded surprised, she understood his words enough. "No, I don't wanna try," he told her, going off her words. "I wanna make it work." Trying implied that there was a possibility to bail out. To walk away. To give up. And that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to make it work, with no other option. He wanted to be in her world, rather than just expect her to conform to his. Which was something else he had realized tonight; the concept of selflessness. Of not being selfish and egotistical, expecting her to do everything. Though, he would still need her help, with all of this. Because it was all so very new to him... which brought up another point. Something he knew he had to acknowledge, because he never had before and he knew that it was a huge part of why she had ended things between them.

"And I know you got a kid," he continued, trying not to sound awkward when she was saying it but she was a profiler... she could read people and do all that other stuff she attempted to explain to him over that past several months. "I wanna be a part of your life, and I know that means being a part of hers too." He still wasn't ready to be a father, or anything remotely close to one. But, he also knew he had to start embracing Julianna's life. Because after what happened today... he wanted them to be in each other's life, whatever that involved. So he could do this... right? He could find a way to deal with a kid, to have a conversation with it.... not it, her. He didn't know anything about Julianna's kid, and knew that would be the place to start: finding out more about her. "Shit, this probably sounds stupid," he mumbled out, realizing how cheesy his words may sound. He didn't even know if this was enough to change her mind, because it was only words. Jackson didn't speak much because he always felt actions were better than words... words could be false promises. And while that wasn't what he was doing, he knew he had to actually show her, rather than just tell her. And he didn't know which one was harder to do.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

"No, I don't wanna try," She had misunderstood? "I wanna make it work." Oh! That was . . . the most romantic thing he had ever said to her. It made her lips twitch like they wanted to smile but she was still too surprised to actually smile. He wanted to be with her! Even after she had told him everything she needed, and poured her heart out before him, he decided he still wanted to be with her! Suddenly it felt she could breath easier; even while she knew it would be a long road before them.

"And I know you got a kid," She paused at this, knowing it was something they had never spoke about. He didn't like the idea of kids, and Gabby was her whole world. "I wanna be a part of your life, and I know that means being a part of her's too." She did smile then, for only for a second, as she was still taking all this in. He wanted to be apart of Gabby's life too? He knew that was important to her and he was willing to work at it for her!

Julianna knew she had told him that she loved him, but it was as if he was returning the words to her right now. Because for the first time in their relationship she felt loved. Not just wanted, or needed; but loved! "Shit, this probably sounds stupid," "No!" She said it quickly, but quickly as she took a single step forward toward him, and her smile held for a bit longer this time, while the impact of his words settled in. "No, sounds anything but stupid."

They were perfect, and the best words he had ever spoken. "I'm just . . . . I don't even know what to say or where to start." She felt like there was so much to talk about, and so much she wanted to say but, Julianna wasn't sure where to begin.

[Derek Jackson]

She assured him that he didn't sound stupid, which he still think he did, but as long as she didn't... then it was all good. It went back to that whole idea of thinking about her and what she thought, how she felt, rather than just thinking about himself. That was what today had made him realize. And talking to her now, reinforced that. It seemed like they took a role reversal because now he was the one doing the talking and she was the one who didn't know what to say. She had stepped closer toward him, and was smiling... both being good signs. It meant that she seemed open to giving him this opportunity and wondered how idiotic he would sound if he actually asked for it just to be sure.

"Just say we're good, and that's all I need to hear right now," he told her. He knew that there was still a long way they needed to go, but this was a start. They could build off of this; he just wanted her to give him that confirmation. He just wanted to know that they were 'good', that there wouldn't any more avoidance. He also knew that he would have to make a strong effort to ensure they actually talked, rather than did other stuff. Which was aware that the best way to do that... was to ask her out. But that would be stupid to do right now if she still wasn't sure what she wanted. And while patience wasn't his virtue... "Guess you would need time to think about it," he half asked and half stated. She tended to think things through, and while he was more impatient, he also knew that in his attempt to make this work... he had to actually consider her nees and wants too, and not just the sexual kind.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

Tell him they were good? Julianna's smile turned slight brighter, and she nodded her head because this was just what she needed to hear. That he would do this for hear. He asked about needing time to think, and she knew that she did but not because she was unsure. The fact that he even asked showed he meant his words! Jackson was really being honest and open with her!

"To think about where we go from here, but not to think about if I want this or not. I meant my words when I told you that I loved you, Jackson. I didn't want to change you but I just . . . needed a little more." She needed him to be there for her and to let her daughter into his life and he was giving her that! "And you coming here and saying these things . . . I can't stop smiling!" She moved forward the last few feet, and put her arms around him in a solid hug.

[Derek Jackson]

She said she didn't need time to think about whether she wanted this, and that eliminated any doubt he had in his mind. She was willing to give him this opportunity to show that he could be better suited for her life... and he felt relieved to know that. She said that she loved him, words he had not forgotten, but still ones that caught him off guard, especially in terms of replying. She didn't seem to expect him to say them though, because she continued to speak, saying how she had just wanted a little more. And then her next actions really showed that she wasn't mad at him.

Because she stepped foward and wrapped her arms around him. Mother fudger! He let out a heavy breath, trying to contain any other sounds as he forced his body not to cringe at the pressure being placed on his fresh wound. But he knew his body ever so slightly jolted. Not enough to break the embrace... which... he supposed he should return. He had never really hugged someone like this before, so it was almost as if he wasn't sure what to do. He slowly raised his hands a bit, letting them rest on her hips. There. That counted as a hug, right? He hoped it ended soon, not because he didn't want to be near her... because it was hurting him, literally. But he didn't want to push her away. "Alright then..." he said, trying to conclude his embrace as his face slightly twisted into a cringe, relieved that she couldn't see it right now.

[Dr. J. Grayson]

She could feel him jerk, and grow still. Julianna had almost expected Jackson to try to kiss her, but not this. She also could smell an odd sterile scent on him. Pulling back, she rested her hand over his ribs, and moved them down softly until she felt the warm of burning skin--like and injury. She could also feel a bandage.

Looking up at him with a knowing glare, she reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up. "Are you injured?!" The tape was medical grade, so whatever the injury he had not tended it himself. Dropping his shirt she looked up at him, finally knowing what was off when she saw him at the door. He was favoring one side. "Jackson?"

[Derek Jackson]

Oh...well... damn. She had asked if he was injured and before he could do anything to stop her, she lifted up his shirt. He let out an annoyed groan and rolled his eyes a little when she saw it. And then dropped the fabric to cover it up again before saying his name, as if expecting further explanation. "Well, you just answered your own question," he told her, slightly annoyed that he had gotten shot and that she had now found out that he was somehow injured. Not exactly the reason he would have wanted her to lift his shirt. "Look, don't make a big damn deal about it," he told her, moving past all the awkward things he needed to say, and holding his normal tone again.

"I'm alive, I'm walkin', it's fine." He hadn't died from it, nor was it that life threatening really. "I should probably get going," he added, knowing that if there was a time to leave... now would be it. Before she fussed over him. Yet, he didn't move to leave. He wanted to kiss her, which would also be a good distraction for her even if that wasn't his primary reason for kissing her... but at the same time, didn't trust himself to. Because if he lost control, he knew she would think that everything he'd said to her tonight, would have only been to get back in her pants, and he didn't want to give her that doubt in the sincerity of his words.