Not How The Story Ends

[Felicity Smoak]

She had just put one in her mouth when he admitted that he had not known they were safe. Eyes growing wide, she stared at him for a moment before eating more. "No more berries! Ever." Because if this was the risk he was willing to take rather then 'just say no' then she would just not risk them. The last thing she needed was to loose him. Both because she needed him here in order to survive, and because. . . . emotionally she needed him.

Moving over to sit beside him, Felicity sat down there with the berries between them. "I know I was here before, but . . . different time of year, and we had supplies then." Blankets, shelter, and a fire that was larger. "How cold does it get here?" The question started off strong, almost like a witty joke tone, but when it ended there was a trace of worry or fear in her voice.

[Oliver Queen]

Oliver gave a slight smile when she stated no more berries. While she was munching on them, he turned his body to shield what he was doing -- though all he was doing was cutting pieces of the rabbit so that he could cook them while the fire lasted. He grabbed one of the sticks, quickly sharpening the end and then screwed the pieces of meat onto it. He then let it sit over the fire, so that it would cook. By the time he was done that, she had moved next to him, giving him just enough time to push away the dead animal from her view. She proceeded to ask how cold it got here, and he could tell from her tone that she was concerned about that. So was he. It was why he had grabbed the jacket off that assassin and why he wished he could go back up and get it for her. But he couldn't. So he only had himself to offer for warmth.

"Come here," he said in a soft voice, knowing that the honest answer to her question wouldn't be the one she wanted to hear. He moved his arm behind her, pulling her as close to him as possible so that she was nestled against his chest, while his other arm draped around her from the front. He was holding her close to him, knowing it wasn't much, but hoping that the body heat would provide her with further warmth. He hated that she was here. Hated the man that put her here. He couldn't tell her how or when they were going to get off the island. He couldn't spare her from the danger that they would inevitably face. Right now, all he could do was hold her close to him and hope that they got through the night, undisturbed.

[Felicity Smoak]

Felicity felt him pull her toward him, and she moves to climb in his lap. "Just to be warm." She told him. "I'm not hitting on you or making a move.....I mean I was moving but not moving on you. Just your lap." Oh this was going to just go down hill! Sighing she mentally counted down from 3 and then looked up at him--or what she could see of him which was mostly a jaw line.

She wished she was braver. She wished she could somehow be bolder and know how to make him see her as she saw him. Strong. Amazing. "Rabbit smells good." She whispered, not thinking of it but of him. He smelled good. Even here. Especially here. Moving her head to rest on his chest she spoke softly again. "In case I die here, you should know how much I--" Love you. "How much I ..... how much it means to me you trusted me to help you. It made my life fun." In the end, it was as close as she could get.

[Oliver Queen]

When Felicity moved to sit in his lap, Oliver shifted his arms so that she would be more comfortable. And when she was situated, he put his arms back around her, continuing to hold her close to him. While this was not a position they would normally be in, these were extenuating circumstances. That was what he told himself anyway. For reasons he had convinced himself of, as to why nothing could happen between them . . . well, her being here seemed to prove all those reasons right. And yet, he couldn't do anything to change it for what was done, was done. He didn't comment on her rant, not wanting to make her think he was disapproving of this. He wasn't. She needed to be warm and he . . . could not deny that having her this close to him, provided him with some comfort. Had he not felt so guilty, he would have felt a lot more than just some comfort. She commented on the rabbit and before Oliver could think of a suitable response, she went on to say something else that caused him to pause, and cease other responses to her previous words. She was speaking of dying here, and thanking him . . . when he was the reason that she could die here. No. He could not let his mind even consider that. He could not imagine it.

"Felicity," he began to say in a soft, gentle voice . . . and was trying extremely hard to hold back the emotion he felt. Ones that she had caused to arise with her words. "Don't thank me, for anything." His voice continued to remain softly spoken and calm, but strong at the same time, for he felt strongly about what he was saying. "I'm the reason you're here in the first place, whether you want to admit it or not. I don't need you to tell me otherwise" He wasn't saying this to hear her argue about why he was not the reason. He was. Slade had targeting her because he knew it would hurt Oliver. And it did. Incredibly so. But she was too good of a person to ever lay the guilt at his feet, even if it was placed rightfully there which in this case, it was. "You aren't going to die here," he added, not wanting her to think that either. He looked down at her, from whatever angle he could see her in. "I am not going to let that happen," he added confidently. He would do whatever it took, whatever the cost, whatever the risk . . . he would make sure she got home safe.

[Felicity Smoak]

She had expected his words the moment she don.usher her own, and this time had even thought ahead to how to explain things. So when looked down at her she moved the few inches to look at him. "Salde Wilson is the reason I am here, Oliver. Maybe you are too in a non-direct way, but the only person who blames you is you." He always blamed himself. "And lets be brutally honest for a moment, Oliver. I can't survive the island without you. I'm not like you and Sarah. I'm not going to come out five years later stronger then before."

"But you can survive without me." So if one of them had to die, it should be her. "I know what your thinking, so please.....don't say it. I don't plan to die here. I don't want to here.....The Amira Systems is coming out with a new computer software and I want to play with it before I die....which says way too much about my social life....."

"I was only saying....in case. And in case I do die.....don't stop fighting. Don't let the Slade guy win. Cause it would totally suck if he got away with killing me." Bad joke but she was trying.

[Oliver Queen]

As he expected, she was defending him, saying that it was Slade's fault that she was here. Oliver agreed with that, but ultimately, the blame was placed at his own feet. Slade was angry at him. Slade wanted to punish him. And Felicity was suffering for it. It didn't matter what she said, he knew he was responsible for this. Though he also knew he could not convince her to share his point of view when it came to subjects like this. She seldom ever blamed him for his failures. She then spoke of how she wouldn't be able to survive this island without him. He wasn't sure about that. This island made you endure a great deal. After all, when he had first come here he had not thought he'd last but he had been tortured, without food and drink for days, caged, fought, shot, and so many other things. He had endured it because he had no other choice. Because his father had died so that he could live. All one needed was the proper motivation, and they could survive anything.

"But you can survive without me." It was this line that caused him pause. Yes, he could survive without her . . . but he couldn't live without her. There was a difference. Survival was instinctual. Living, was so much more. And he did not want to live without her. But saying these words were far more difficult. He had put a necessary wall up because he had learned the hard way that he could not be with someone that he could truly care about. Yet even still, she had been put in danger, regardless of the fact that she wasn't with him . . . she was affiliated with him, and that was all it took. He remained silent for several moments, trying to think of the right words to say without giving away too much of how he was feeling.

"I died on this Island, Felicity," he began to tell her. The Oliver he had known had died. He had become someone he never thought himself capable of being. "I am not going to let the same thing happen to you." Whether it be physical death, or spiritual. She was going to survive, and live. And return home. "So do not tell me that you wouldn't be able to survive." Because that meant she was underestimating herself. "Or words in the event of your death." Her 'just in case I die' words. He had lost Tommy. And that had been painful beyond words. He refused to imagine a life without her in it, and didn't want to hear her speak of it as if it could be a possibility. "Because I dont want to hear it, Felicity." His words weren't harsh or stern but rather . . . more emotional than he had wanted. Less guarded than he usually was when it came to his emotions. He was slipping, and he knew it. In Starling, he had his places to go to and things to do to let of steam, or when he felt he was about to break down and crumble. Here, he had no where. And here, because of who was in danger with him, he was fighting not to fall apart.

[Felicity Smoak]

His words, spoken in such a way made her hesitant to agree with him about things. Felicity ended up just looking into his face for a few long moments, trying to read his mind by looking into his eyes and reading what she could there. "Alright," She whispered, "I wont say anymore." About just in case anyone died--she would give him that since it seemed to really bother him.

Apart of her was glad that it bothered him, because it meant he felt something for her. Even if it was just deep friendship, knowing he cared beyond the average person was good. Made her want to get off the island even more, and enjoy the knowlage. She loved him. She knew that. If he cracked under presser then she would, because Oliver was where she got her strength from. As long as he stood strong, then she could be strong for him.

"When I first started working with you, I tired to imagine life on the island. What it would be like for me, if I was there. I always thought the first thing I would want when I got back would be a blue frozen slushy." She tried to lighten the mood with her story, while her hand came up to rest on his shoulder for better support while leaning to look into his face. "Now I think it will be something a lot warmer--like apple cider or tea or something." She joked, but any laugh she had didn't come up because being this physically close to him made her feel things she wasn't sure how to express to Oliver. He had been clear in explaining things to her before, about not being able to start a relationship with her because of who he was.

[Oliver Queen]

Good. He was glad that she had understood his words and agreed not to speak any more of her potential death. Instead, she changed the subject -- thankfully -- and spoke of how she imagined what it would be like on the island. What she would miss most. And that something, had changed from a slushie to a hot beverage. "Usually the things you thought you'd want here, aren't actually what you crave or miss." Everyone had asked him that: what had he missed most on the Island. Foods. TV. A bed. All the typical things. Lian Yu wasn't anything typical of any other place. He looked at her, finding they were close . . . to close. As if testing his resolve. Yet he made no effort to move away. He wanted to keep her warm, that was what he kept telling himself anyway.

"Tell you what, when we get back, I owe you a drink." Whatever drink she wanted. He was also speaking in terms of when they returned, not if. So many thoughts were running through his head right now, and was well aware that he needed some sort of distraction before he did . . . something. "In the meantime . . . " Keeping an arm around her, he used his other to reach for the skewer of now cooked rabbit. "This is all I can offer." He said it in a slighter lighter tone, though he meant it at the same time. He titled the skewer toward her, so that she could take off a piece if she so wished. It was the food they had, and she needed to eat something to keep up her strength.

[Felicity Smoak]

He spoke of when they got back and she found she wanted to think that way too. It was almost easy when he seemed so sure. "Deal." Oliver also offered her a bit of rabbit, and Felicity moved out of his lap for a few minutes so they could get. She would seek his warmth again very soon. It was too cold and she didn't have enough on to keep her completely warm.

Taking half of what he cooked, she left him with the other half, and tired a bite. "Not as bad as I was expecting." She admitted, though she doubted she'd want to eat it if given a choice. Moving closer tot he fire, Felicity was just finishing her's when a boom off in the distance happened. Like an explosion but from many miles away. Turning her head slowly to look at Oliver, she asked. "Do--Do you think they found the land mine?"

[Oliver Queen]

Oliver watched her as she took a bite of the meat, admitting it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. When there was no option for anything else, it had to taste good. It was better than nothing, that was for sure. The explosion caught his own attention. It wasn't too close but, was close enough to hear. He rose to his feet, standing outside the front of the cave. His eyes scanned their surroundings, watching, listening to see if anyone else was close. When he was satisfied that they were not . . . he returned inside the cave and resumed his previous position, sitting against the cave wall near her.

"Most likely," he stated. "We'll be fine for tonight, but we'll move first thing in the morning." He didn't want to risk being here too long. If they found the cave, they would see the sticks and jacket that had been left up there. And then it would only be a matter of time before they saw the hole and followed the trail of the water. The less Slade's men knew of their whereabouts, the better. "So you should get as much rest as you can." Because tomorrow would be another long day.

[Felicity Smoak]

Oliver went out to check, and she held her breath waiting to see if they needed to run. At least running kept her warm. There was a positive way to look at running for your life. Instead he returned to sit down, and told her it was alright to stay for the night, which meant that either the people were dead or no one was close. She was going for the later.

Felicity had never really loved the idea of him killing, so she had been behind the movement of the Arrow becoming a no-kill hero. Oliver had only broken that rule a few rare times--like when she was in danger. Pulling her knees up to her chest she watched the cave opening, for a short while. "At least it's not raining." She offered as another for of trying to look at things positively. "That would suck."

[Oliver Queen]

Oliver gave a slight smile at her words. Trying to find the positive. It was far better than hearing her think the worst . . . thinking that she would not make it out of here. "Small blessings," he said in a low voice. Though nothing about this was a blessing. This Island was cursed if anything. An island where nothing good happened. It was true to its name. It often made Oliver wonder just how much more happened here than he knew about.

"Are you feeling cold?" He asked, tossing a couple more sticks into the fire to keep it going. While they would not need it for the food any more they would need it for warmth. Even if it was just a small little one. Which led back to the option of keeping her warm himself. He had been concerned about her getting sick before, but with the fall in the water, he was even more worried about the possibility.

[Felicity Smoak]

She was cold but she also knew there was something else very important that needed to happen before they moved together again, and there was something else very important she had to say first. "First I need to use the ladies." Very important. Which meant she would have to leave his sight--because there was no way it was happening another way.

Watching him for a moment she waited for him to tell her it was safe out there, or even where to go towards. "Then I will try to get some sleep." Because tomorrow was going to be a long day, and she could not even guess what was in store for them. She needed to sleep off this headache, and be of more used to him tomorrow. "If you just make sure it's safe, I will be quick."

[Oliver Queen]

Felicity told him that she needed to . . . relieved herself -- since there wasn't exactly a bathroom here. His mind flashed back to when Diggle had told him that he was going to watch him pee. That had been awkward. And while he wasn't going to watch Felicity, he wasn't going to let her go out there on her own either. So he rose to his feet, having his weapons on him should they encounter unexpected danger. "Come on. I'll take you," he told her. He was already walking out the cave, looking around as he waited for her to join her. Perhaps he should explain that he wasn't going to stand alongside her while she needed her privacy.

"I'll take you to a spot, and wait around there." Not directly in it. She shouldn't wander by herself around here. With that, he began to lead her to a heavily wooded area, not far from the cave. There was no need to go too far. He slightly raised his arm, telling her to wait for a moment as he checked the ground, to make sure there were no traps or mines. "It's safe," he told her. "I'll be over there." Out of sight so that neither of them would see the other . . . but he would not stray far enough for her to be out of earshot if something happened.

[Felicity Smoak]

Felicity was about to go out on a babble about his words about 'taking her' but with some manner of luck he spoke again and cut her off. That saved her from talking about always wanting to hear that comment from him. Following him to the spot, she waited while he left, and then moved behind a tree. After a few moments she was done, and came out, trying to decide how best to wash or wipe her hands. Island living wasn't fun living. When you saw this in tv shows you never thought about the details.

Just then she heard something and looked up. There by her head was a monkey. Small and cute. "Oh, hello there!" Finally something cute on this island! She grinned and saw another jump down from a higher branch, then another. . . . and another. These were slightly bigger and slightly less cute . . . "Well, I will just leave you here then." She muttered, and began to walk the way Oliver had left, but another monkey moved before her. They could be harmless!? Right? Just because she was out numbered didn't mean that they were going to do anything to her.

Yeah! She could handle this. Stepping up closer to one, to walk around it and out of the way, it reached out like it would touch her, but she moved back. "Oliver!" She yelled but kept her voice down at the same time making her.

[Oliver Queen]

Oliver could hear rustling from around her area and wondered if it was just her or if -- "Oliver!" He raced over to where she was and saw a small group of monkeys surrounding her. He couldn't help but smile at the sight. Yes, monkeys could be dangerous, but he also knew that that was only the case if they saw you as a threat. One just had to be careful about how they interacted with them, though you of course had those rogue ones who attacked for no reason. "It's ok," he said in a soft voice. "They won't hurt you unless they feel threatened by you," he added, speaking aloud his previous thoughts about dealing with monkeys. He remembered the first time he had encountered them on the island, he had almost been too afraid to move. Death by monkeys wasn't exactly the way one wanted to go.

"Just walk over to me, slowly." He wasn't that far from her, but didn't want to cut through the creatures' path, wanting to avoid making them feel intimidated in any way. They may be smaller but they were vicious, especially a group as large as this. He extended his hand for Felicity to take when she was close enough. "It's alright. You're fine," he added, encouraging her to keep walking slowly toward him.

[Felicity Smoak]

Oliver came withing a few seconds of her calling his name, which made her feel better. Even more so when he confirmed that the monkeys would not hurt her. Nodding when he told her to walk to him slowly she did, picking up speed the last few steps and taking his hand. "Thank you." As she passed the last one, it reached out to pull her hair, but it didn't have a good gasp and she was able to escape.

Looking behind her she noticed they monkeys were not following them, and only even a few were still looking their way. Good. She'd panicked for nothing, but she'd take that over being attacked. "Go ahead, make a city girl joke." She was trying to keep the mood light, and give him an opening to tease her about her lack of monkey knowlage.

[Oliver Queen]

When she was next to him, they didn't waste a moment as they turned and left, leaving the monkeys to their own space. A small smile played on his lips when she told him to make fun of her . . . a 'city' girl. He had been so much like her when he'd first come here, in the sense that he had been a city boy. One who lived a significantly privileged life and didn't know the meaning of hardship or work. It seemed that he compensated for those 23 years, during the 5 years he was on this island.

"In your defense, there were a lot of them." He was teasing her and it was evident in his voice. "And they looked, threatening." Still teasing and her and enjoying it. Had he not given her the opening, he may not have said anything at all. But it was too tempting. "Though they did seem to like you," he pointed out, teasingly remarking on how one of them had grabbed her hair -- but not too hard. "I think you made quite the impression." There. He was done. He didn't often joke, but he had to admit, the sight eh had come across was a rather amusing one.

[Felicity Smoak]

He was teasing her, and she gave a fake tight smile and nodded her head in a sarcastic haha. In truth she was about to laugh at herself too, because Oliver made it funny. "Everything else on the island is trying to kill me, why not them too?" She joked, hoping it was funny enough to keep things light and not ruin the mood.

Felicity walked over to the fire and bend down next too it, while pretending to glare at him, but her lips were pressed to hide a smile. She would wait for him to get comfortable before crawling back into his lap and letting them share warmth for the night. "When we get back, there are some things we don't have to tell the others about--" It had been the end of what she wanted to say, but her words came to a sudden stop, and she had to force the pretend smile to keep anything from changing.

Because it was then she realized that was his unspoken rule. There were somethings he didn't have to tell the others about his five years. This was how it began. For him began again.

[Oliver Queen]

She spoke of how everything on the island was trying to kill her, why not monkeys too. Sadly, monkeys were the least of their worries, but they had already encountered so many other threats . . . just add this one to the list he supposed. He had shared that same worry when coming across them the first time all those years ago. It was understandable that she was concerned about them too. When they got back to the cave and she was seated next to the fire, he resumed his previous position, sitting against the cave wall. She went on to say that there were some things they didn't have to tell the others about. He knew it may have started off as a joke, but the words had a lot of weight. There was a reason he didn't talk about the island to others: because it was too difficult. Because too much had happened. Because it was too painful for him. Because he didn't want people to feel sorry for him.

"They will only know what you choose to tell them," he told her. Meaning, he would not say anything to anyone. He knew that for her, talking helped though. He also wanted to speak in terms of when they got back, not if to further convince her that they would return home. "But if you ever need to talk about it, then know you can always do so with me." Here, or back in Starling. Just because he didn't talk about it, didn't mean he was unwilling to listen to her, and even offer comfort. He knew full well just how traumatizing this island could be. She wasn't going through it alone physically, so he didn't want her to go through it alone emotionally either.

[Felicity Smoak]

Oliver took his seat, and she moved to her knees, walking on them to get closer to him, but sat back on her heels while he spoke. "And if you ever need someone to talk to, or just to sit there with you silently--" Because he didn't often talk about anything dealing with the five years he was gone "--Then know I am here to be whatever you need me to be." Friend. Confidant. More.

Moving to sit closely beside him, she pulled her legs up to her chest for warmth. Sitting on his lap could slow his reaction time to defending them, or more importantly cause his legs to so to sleep and him to be uncomfortable (which was only more important at the moment, because apart of her still felt safe here).

[Oliver Queen]

She offered the same, being someone he could talk to should he ever need to. He knew that the two people he could be most open with was her and Diggle. Everyone else . . . he was lying to about something or another. Mostly about being the Hood. And while it was for their own protection, it also prevented him from being able to fully open up to them. It pained him, but it was what had to be done. "Thank you," he replied sincerely. He watched her move next to him and her body language indicated that she was cold, which he had expected of course. It wasn't as if the night air suddenly warmed. They had been moving around before though, and now they were seated again. Without saying anything or giving her the option -- since he was going with what he felt she neeed right now -- he did as before: placed his arm around her and pulled her toward him so that he could hold her and use as much of his upper body to provide her with warmth throughout the night.

"Close your eyes," he said in a soft low whisper. Using the same tone of voice, he continued. "And imagine that you are in the one place that you most want to be in this moment. Think of that place, and pretend that you're there." Because he wanted her to ease her mind. Rest. Get as of a night's sleep as possible. When he had been here, that was what he tried to do: think of where he would most like to be and imagine he was there. With Shado, the nights had gotten less lonely. But with the first chunk of time he was here, he had been by himself. And the thought of those he cared about back home, and imagining he was with them, where the things that had kept him going.

[Felicity Smoak]

Oliver tucked her better into his side, and she pressed closer, while tilting her face into him so that it was protected from the cold too. She liked the sound of his whisper, and his words made her feel so much more for him. Here in this place he was not only worried for her safely but wanting to make sure she was alright too.

He told her to closer her eyes, and she did. The told her to think of the one place she really wanted to be. "I'm already there." He told her--wait! No! Back tract! "I said I was already thinking of it, right?" She asked, feeling a moment of panic, then turned her face deeper into him and groaned audibly. Right when he was getting very sweet on her, she had to ruin it by speaking before she thought. "No here. But you know . . . with a friend." With him, and in his arms. "I'm just glad they took me too, because you shouldn't be here alone again."

[Oliver Queen]

A slight smile tugged at Oliver's lips though he tried to remain serious. Her little slips always amused him, though he didn't really verbally react to them. He seldom ever teased her for them, but nor did he display any annoyance over them because . . . well, he was never irritated by them. There were some times were he said her name to make her stop, but that was usually only when he had something important to say about the case they were working on. Right now, he didn't want her to get worried, embarrassed or paranoid over her words. He wanted her mind to be at ease, though her little babbles . . . gave some element of normalcy to their situation. Her words about being glad they took her too surprised him, and yet didn't. She had always been so loyal to him, and as he always recognized, she never blamed him for anything nor wanted him to endure anything alone.

"I'm not glad about that," he said in an extremely low voice, only heard because of how they close they were. He wasn't happy that they took her. Not in the slightest. He would never be happy or relieved about that. He would rather endure this island a hundred times over, be here for ten more years . . . anything, so long as she did not have to be here with him. But as he was trying to relax her mind, he didn't want to dwell on these things. As she had turned her face deeper into him, he placed one hand on the back of her head, gently stroking it, meant to be a comforting gesture. He lowered his head, as if to brush his lips against the top of her head, but stopped when they were less than an inch apart. "Get some sleep," he said in a gentle whisper. And he hoped that tomorrow would make them one step closer to getting out of this place.

[Felicity Smoak]

His actions were comforting--if not a bit teasing--while his words were even more so. She knew he'd never want her here. She had known it all along. He saying it did not lessen anything but showed her how much he believed them. She was falling asleep while he spoke, and for a long moment she just sat there drifting slowly while her mind thought over everything. "I know." She whispered, "It's part of why I lovee yyouu..." The words faded out as sleep took over her.

It was hours later when she blinked open her eyes, and she was still tucked into his side. Not wanting to move, she stayed still, enjoying the warmth of him. Or what warmth there was, as he didn't fully cover her and her toes felt chilled to the bone. Felicity had no memory of her words from when she fell asleep. Stretching she moved to adjust to get more comfortable, before just standing and stretching all together.